One year ago in the middle of a blizzard we adopted our girl. I remember when we were in front of the judge she asked us if we understood the complexity of what we were about to do and if we understood that this was a permanent never to reverse commitment. She knew our Little R’s history and understood at great length the challenges that we had already endured and what we were up against with little R. I remember looking down at the document as I signed thinking “here we go, bring it on”.
I don’t think I really knew what I was getting into when I said that, but here we are in this life that some days I pray we will just make it hour by hour. Life has not been easy during this past year, and at times I feel like I am pulling out my hair and losing my mind all at the same time. Struggles with attachment, trust and control are just a few of the things I attend to each day. We take 10 steps forward and 12 steps back sometimes daily.
Despite all of that I would not change that day in the court room a year ago and I would sign that document again even knowing what I know now. This little girl needed a family. Despite what we deal with on a daily basis she needs a family just like anyone else. I believe with all my heart she needs us and we have a responsibility to help her to heal, and grow into a beautiful young lady.
If I can teach her just a few things as her mom it will be to respect herself, respect others, do her best, and most of all honor God with all her heart. I hope that I can instill those things in her as we go through the years.
As adoptive parents we have extra responsibilities to our children. To be open and good listeners. Willing to accept them and their past. Allow there past relationships to exist within your family. Willing to be vulnerable and take on our child’s pain and have patience to allow the process to work and prepare that the healing is very slow. If you have the expectation that it is going to be a quick process then you will be disappointed and not helpful in their healing process. Give yourself credit that you are doing your best. Take time for yourself and allow yourself the time you need to rest so you can be 100% present for your child. They need you desperately to be present for them.
So here we are 1 year later and I look forward to seeing where we are a year from now and hopefully heading back into the courthouse again in the next year to two.