Sunday, February 12, 2012

Family Rules

When we went through our foster classes they asked us to create house rules, so when “R” first moved in  we had a list which we created based on the Traditional way of parenting . Our rules where typical. No running in the house, take your shoes off and then we had the more serious set which we had in a frame on “R” wall and on the fridge.

1. Use only kind words no swearing or yelling (that one went out the window week 2 when trucker mouth came out of “R” and lots of yelling)

2. Always tell the truth ( ummmmm RAD kids lie all the time…. Telling her not to lie is like telling her not to sleep)

3. Respect the animals ( ok I’ll give this one to her she has done OK except for a few times, the animals really do not like having legs and tails pulled)

4. No stealing ( we are good on this one at least I think....)

5. Do not use your hands to Hit ( well… that was broke week two and pretty much every week since I had the black eye to prove it)

6. Do not use your feet to kick ( she is really good at this, want to see our shins?)

7. Do not use your mouth to bite ( she is a pro on herself and others when mad she even made a bite on my arm that when healing looked like a heart...go figure)

I think there were 10 on the list but these were the top 7. They may work great in a traditional parenting home with well attached children but it definetly did not work in our home since most, if not all the rules were broken within the first month.

Since taking on the Therapeautic parenting approach more fully I wanted to find the best set of house rules I could. Is started to make my own up with the families help, but then we were in a department store and I found this huge plaque of family rules and it fit our family perfect. “R” Read it out loud which is great because she can now and she said “Those are great family rules” and I said “your right they should be ours” and so we bought the plaque and it is now hanging front and center in our living room. You can see it when sitting on all the couches and from the kitchen table.

There are no words in it of negativity and nothing in it which will produce shame or anxiety when not met. This has been another great milestone for our family.

1 comment:

marythemom said...

Love this sign!

Our family rules are to be RRHAFTBALL! (pronounced "raft ball") We've found my concrete thinkers (both RAD) don't really get it, but I kind of like having more abstract rules because it cuts down on manipulation and allows me to interpret and give consequences based on individual needs rather than, "you did x so you have y consequence."

Respectful - of yourself and others - includes manners
Responsible - things like chores and hygeine
Honest - to others and yourself - TOUGH ONE!
Attitude - keep it positive
Fun To Be Around
Learning - the last two weren't added until the kids had been with us for a couple of years and were able to handle these higher level concepts

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