Saturday, April 9, 2011

When it Rains it Pours

I don't know who came up with this saying, but I have heard it so many times in reference to a bunch of crappy stuff happening all at the same time to people.  So, this week I get to use this saying and mean it.

Last Thursday as my previous post indicated Mike was in a accident.  We have been having trouble with insurance as the party that hit my husband is saying he is not at fault.  So we have had to fill out files, go to the police station, file reports with insurance multiple times ect... just a big pain in the butt.

Then, on Monday I went into work like any other ordinary day and left laid-off from my job that I have had for over 5 years and love.  It was unexpected and shocking to the entire company.  This is a huge financial blow for our family,  we have a bit of time for me to search for a job but the pressure is surely on.

When I arrived home and told Little R that I wouldn't be working at my job any longer and that they didn't need me she melted down into a tantruming rage for about an hour.  I had to remove myself from the room because I was in no emotional state to handle her.  When I finally calmed down I asked if she was scared about my losing my job and she said " we are going to be poor like my birth family and you will have to give me back"   To which I hugged her and assured her we were fine and all is good and let me worry about the job. ( in my mind all I really wanted to do was tantrum with her)

I am struggling with my own emotions over losing my job and haven't handled them very well at times.  I didn't even imagine it would effect my daughter the way it did.  It is so hard to see when the triggers will come or even happen.  I have spent a lot of time this week trying to make sure that her life doesn't change. So it "feels" normal to her.  Kids need security and especially children with insecure backgrounds.  She has had a rough week at school and I think it has to do with both the accident and job situation.  Tough for her to comprehend or understand.

I think that if we didn't have Little R in our lives I probably would have wallowed for a lot longer and not handled the lay-off as well as I did. I had no choice but to pull up my Big Girl Pants and start searching for a job.

In the meantime it is giving me a much needed rest that I have been missing for the past year.  I am going to the gym, cleaning my house, and even went hiking today with Little R.  I spend hours job searching and then the rest is taking care of me so I can stay strong for her.

Life is changing and I don't know what the future will bring but I have my umbrella and I am ready to find out.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You know God will not give you more than you can handle and this is his way of proving it to you.
Let Rebecca know that we all love you and will not let anything happen to you.

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